The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multisyllabic word?
A (Somewhat) NSFW History of Dirty Jokes – The Strange Continent
Oh, me, me! I'm talking about jerking off. A big-city businessman has had enough of the rat race so he moves to an isolated cabin deep in the woods. He's been there a few days when there's a knock on his door. There stands a grizzled old mountain man. I come to invite ya to a party," says the old man. I'd love to go to the party. Thanks for inviting me! There's gonna be drinkin'. No problem there.
Well, I have been getting lonely out here, so I think I can handle that too! The man in the cabin calls out, "Wait! Should I bring anything? Just gonna be you and me. A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. I just can't take that chance.
A friend's grandmother told her this one, so it should be okay for your grandma to hear. An old widow bought an antique from a shop and brought it home. As she was polishing it up a genie burst from it and said, "You have awakened me from my slumber! I shall now grant you three wishes!
Horribly Hilarious Joke Book by Terry Deary (Paperback, 2013)
The genie nodded his head, and suddenly she found herself holding the deed to a little place outside of town. The widow then asked for enough money to be wealthy for the rest of her days. The genie nodded and suddenly they were surrounded by piles of money.
The widow pointed to her pet cat and said, "Ever since my dear husband died this cat has been my faithful companion. Please, turn him into a handsome young man who will make love to me just as my husband did. Suddenly there was an extremely handsome young man standing where her cat used to be. The woman gasped with joy, but the man just glared at her and said, "Well, I bet now you're finally sorry you got me neutered.
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My wife was sleeping peacefully. I got up, put on my pants, dressed quietly, made my lunch, slipped quietly into the garage, hooked the boat to my pickup and backed out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 80 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and the weatherman said the weather would be bad all day. I unhooked the boat, went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.
With aspirations having nothing to do with fishing I snuggled up to my wife's warm backside, kissed her on the neck and whispered "The weather out there is terrible". She sheepishly replied, "I know They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred Blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to do it again? But let's change positions.
This time, I'll hold the pigeon down And you shit on its head. This is a dirty joke I told my grandma when I was about eight: Q. What do toilet paper and the starship Enterprise have in common? They both circle around Uranus looking for Klingons. YMMV, naturally, depending on whether you have a cute speech impediment and how nerdy your grandma is. A sweet and innocent young Italian girl gets married, and the girl's mother lives downstairs. The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs.
He has hair all over his chest! What should I do? She stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says, "Hair on his chest? He's your husband, it's your wedding night, go upstairs.
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This sends her running back down to her mother, 'Momma, Momma! He has hair all over his legs! She looks down and sees that half of one of his feet is missing. She goes crying back down the stairs. He's got a foot and a half!
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Here, you stir the sauce. I'll go upstairs. This was from my barber, Paul. A regular walks into his local bar and orders a beer. The bartender sees that he has a black eye and says, "geez! Where'd ya get that? When we stand up to say the Lord's prayer, her dress is caught between her cheeks so I pulled it out. She turned around and belted me.
Next week, he's back in with another black eye and orders a beer. The bartender sees it and says, "geez! Where'd ya get this one?! When we stand up to say the Lord's prayer, her dress is caught between her cheeks so my buddy pulls it out. I say to him, 'she don't like it like that. A couple goes to a therapist because their love life has fallen on hard times. The therapist gives them some homework - he says to the husband, "This week, when you see your wife bend over, I want you to impulsively pull her pants down and mount her from behind.
Just do it! But I don't think we're welcome in Wal-Mart anymore. A guy walks into a brothel and after looking around uncertainly, approaches a girl.